yeah, yeah, yeah, And everybody has one. JUST DON'T BE ONE!
Well friends, you want to know how to take your senior citizen mom to five supermarket's, of including Wal-Mart, in one day and not blow your brains out?
First, at all cost, pharmacological aid's included, get a good night's sleep the day before all hell breaks loose. If you forgo this step, forget it, your fried. Upon waking you need to get yourself as energized as possible. The method's for doing such are numbered in the million's. Personally, I do three, five hour energy drink's. I'm not recommending you do this! It's just the safest legal way I have discovered. Make sure you have a small, easy to use camera, plenty of soft drinks, water, whatever, and most importantly of all, "warrior food." Your not going to stop anywhere for lunch when the entire purpose of the trip is to purchase a month's worth of food! "Look at that! $6.99 for a burger, medium fries, and medium drink. My word, what do they think, we're Rockafellorrrres?!" In all seriousness for just a second, when you grow up during the Great Depression, being prudent is built into you. I'm just having a little fun. Moving on! NEVER rush, or fall behind your previously agreed upon schedule. Even the slightest mention of falling behind, or having PLENTY of time for another five hour energy drink, or 'cup of joe', will trash your day before you even get to the car. Keep you mouth shut, let your mom do all of the talking about the upcoming trip, and totally agree with anything she say's. Even if she say's, "Son, come here for a sec. I want to hear this Rush gentlemen. He's talking about all of those homosisxxuals that want to get married like real people." Hey, I know it's hard. But trust me! Sit there, put a tune in your head,(I personally use Beethoven's Ninth, movement 2, but "Haggar's Can't Drive 55 will work as well), and before you know it even Rush will shut the **************up, and your a hero in mom's eye's!
Upon leaving, always pre-load your stuff. Yeah, stuff! The thing's that are going to keep you alive for the next six or so hour's. Warrior food, a small ice chest of whatever you drink to stay over hydrated, cd's, a small camera, cell phone, or Android, and personally I always have a bag of, ok. Anyway, pre-pack your stuff.
Were about to load mom in the car, but I must explain a couple of things. Yes, I listed what you should pre-pack in the twice. I'm not done yet! Look, your going into battle! If you want to come home hole, this stuff is important! Over hydration. This gives you a legit cause to get away for a while when, not if, mom run's into Sarah at Kroger. If you think for a moment that just because your in your 50's and mom is in her 80's that she can not tell when your out and out bs'n her, your wrong! That skill never leave's a mom. The camera, phone, Android ... same thing. A chance to run!
Well, I have you started. I realize we haven't left the house yet, but tune in tomorrow and well may get the car started with out pissing mom off, and as you know; one piss off and your day is going to really suck. Jd later peace
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